Just for Today: An Autumn Reflection
The first day of autumn 2019. I often take inventory this time of year as the leaves change - that gentle reminder of Earth. Last year at this time I was pouring all my energy into the wrong people, places and things. I felt depleted and my spirit was broken. I’d be bed bound in my apartment that never felt like home feeling broken. It was too easy to fall back on benzos and alcohol when a job I didn’t really want but took hastily became too stressful, when I realized chaos and destruction is not love, when panic attacks were my new normal and I felt lonely and isolated in a town I didn’t like, in a space I couldn’t grow. .
When Scott Weiland sang “take time with a wounded hand ‘cause it likes to heal” that hit me. When I embarked on getting sober, I embarked on a journey of happiness - mind, body, spirit. I have happy tears typing this. I never thought I was going to climb out of the dark rabbit hole I was in. I never thought I could say I haven’t had panic attacks in days let alone months. I never thought I could do it all without taking too much medication & drinking. The dark path wasn’t for me. I want lilies and books and tea and love and I’m cultivating my life for all that and it’s so, so beautiful of a feeling. To break open and rise above. To not just write it, but do it. That’s strength I didn’t believe I had.
Happy Autumn to you and yours.
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