"Come in out of the darkness"

Learning through my Late Grandmother Pauline

Learning through my Late Grandmother Pauline

I’ve been learning I’m more than my hair color, more than a sad girl who likes Fleetwood Mac. I believe in magic and faith and silver dresses in fountains and October days that make you feel alive; make you feel ready to write and laugh and listen to your favorite records. .

I’ve been learning about my late grandmother Pauline. She loved Kennebunkport, she loved Victorian magazine and reading. She had anxiety like I do but I never noticed. She collected Madame Alexander dolls. She used to show me her collection of dolls, each one had a different story she would patiently and passionately tell me. I learned about Grandma Moses and My Fair Lady and other dolls that were emulating women or film characters.

I wonder how she dealt with anxiety at a time where mental issues were so stigmatized. Maybe curling up with a good book or standing on her porch watching the waves of the long island calmed her beating heart. Her and my late grandfather Paul had the sweetest house right in Morris Cove in Connecticut. It overlooked the ocean and to this day looks so regal and serene. She was a wonderful grandmother, mother and wife. She was devoted and sweet. I hope my grandmother found peace before she passed and I hope she knows that although I didn’t know her very long, I love and miss her and love getting to know her all over again through stories and photographs.

I realized through getting to know about her, you can be soft and fierce. Gold and Silver. Leather and Lace. Honey and Fire. You can be powerful in silver dresses and a tender heart. Learning and loving myself has been such a beautiful journey but getting to know my grandmother all over again has been pure magic.

Dedicated to my late grandmother Pauline May.

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